


This Is Me Trying

by musicinmymind13



Category: Divergent - All Media Types, Divergent Series - Veronica Roth
Genre: Dauntless Faction, Dauntless Faction Initiation, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26715112
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/musicinmymind13/pseuds/musicinmymind13
Summary: "I had the shiniest wheels, now they’re rusting. I thought I was untouchable. Maybe I was until my blood shimmered into the bowl of coals."---- Klara Windsor has big shoes to fill as the daughter of a respected Dauntless leader. Along with the trials of initiation, she struggles with the attention from the youngest Dauntless leader who is determined to prove she doesn't belong. Loosely based on the song This Is Me Trying by Taylor Swift.
Relationships: Eric (Divergent)/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 4





	1. Chapter 1

_I had the shiniest wheels, now they're rusting._ I thought I was untouchable. Maybe I was until my blood shimmered into the bowl of coals. I knew I wouldn't have the luxury of staying in my family's apartment for initiation, but I didn't picture myself here. The continuous trickle of a leaky pipe in our dormitory creates a soundtrack for the next several weeks of initiation. That is, if I make it that far.

Dauntless' best-kept secret, I think to myself. Even my own family didn't warn me about the trials that would come once I chose Dauntless at the Choosing Ceremony. My own mother, head of faction relations on the Dauntless leadership council, didn't even mention what would result if I decided to come home. This definitely isn't the home I wanted to return to.

Snores and breaths of my fellow Dauntless-born initiates echo around me. I've been lying awake, staring at the pipes running along the concrete ceiling, for what seems like centuries. If I could just visit the top floor, I could at least just get my own blanket, and maybe then I could sleep. I crave anything familiar. Anything would be better than this paper-thin mattress, rock-solid pillow, and scratchy fleece blanket.

They made it very clear we weren't allowed to see our families during initiation, until Visiting Day.

 _"This includes our Dauntless-born initiates," Eric, the youngest member of the leadership council, snarled to our group of both transfers and Dauntless-borns after dinner_. They brought him on about a bit over a year ago to oversee member development. He now heads everything from initiation to job placement. I've been fortunate enough to have limited interactions with him. Still, I know he transferred into Dauntless the same year as my brother, Troy's, Choosing Ceremony.

My mom rarely complains about her work at home. There is no doubt in my mind it can be a stressful job, yet I can count on one hand the times I've heard her speak negatively about it. However, I remember during dinner one night several months ago, hearing my mom criticizing Eric. That night as we sat around our dining room table, she complained to my dad that the newest leader's values drifted too far from the Manifesto.

It's only been half a day since I've seen my family; nevertheless, I already miss the comforts of sitting around the table and sharing a meal. My dad always insisted we eat in our apartment dining room twice a week, instead of the faction dining hall. Last night was our last dinner for a while. I knew it would have been whether I made the decision to transfer or not. That meal was the quietest I remember since the night of Troy's Choosing Ceremony.

Finally, after tossing and turning, I can't take laying here anymore. There's no clock in the room. Though I'm assuming if I hurry and sneak up to my apartment to grab a blanket, I could be back without anyone noticing and still get a few hours of sleep in. I slip out of my cot quietly. I don't even bother looking for my tennis shoes under my bed, opting to just wear my socks. I could maneuver through Dauntless blindfolded and not step on anything. I just want to get my blanket and get back here as quick as possible. If I take the back service stairwell instead of the steps in the Pit, I should be able to avoid anyone. Besides, everyone should be sleeping this time of night.

I make a left out of the dormitory room, careful to close the heavy double doors silently on my way out. My feet shuffle down through the cave-like halls. As I make my way through the compound, it's eerily silent. The familiar rush of the chasm greets me when I spot the doorway to the back staircase. I quickly scurry up the five flights of steps until I arrive on the floor that used to be my home.

Tiptoeing up to the front door, I silently beg that my parents are sound asleep in their room. I've never snuck out before, much less snuck in. 7459, I plug into the door's keypad. With a click of the lock, it opens. I sneak over the rug through the living room towards my bedroom. The carpet feels and looks so soft compared to everything in the dorm.

My room is exactly as I left it this morning. I take a moment to breathe in the familiar scent and appreciate the coziness of my room. At the bottom of my neatly made bed is a soft purple throw blanket. Without wasting any more time, I fold it up, tuck it under my arm, and quietly move out.

My heart beats a little less quickly once I relock the door to my parent's apartment. I stroll with more peace. It is still dark for the most part, but I pass a few people across the cavern floor of the Pit. I might not get a full night's sleep, although I should be able to get a few moments of rest when I get back.

"Initiate." I jump and freeze, right as I stepped into the hallway leading to the dormitory.

Slowly, I turn around as the newest leader is marching towards me with his arms crossed. My stomach instantly turns into a knot, like the silver Dauntless flame necklace that has been sitting on my desk since my thirteenth birthday. I tuck my blanket further under my arm, though it won't do me much good. He's already noticed me fully.

"What's your name?" He doesn't so much ask as demand while he steps closer to me. Looking up at him, he easily towers me by at least a foot.

"It's Klara, sir." I mumble back. My finger unconsciously begins tapping the outside of my thigh as I take a step back.

"Windsor?" He spits back. I nod my head quickly in response.

"And where would you be coming from this early in the morning?" He raised his eyebrows and waits for my response. I want to ask what he is doing up this early, but bite my tongue.

I could lie and say I was out for a walk. However, he has already seen the blanket in my arms. Any lying would just make the situation worse.

"I couldn't sleep. I'm heading back to the dorm now." I give him a nod. Everything I know about showing respect to people with authority goes away. I just want to get back to those uncomfortable dorms and away from Eric. I take another step back and turn my back to him.

Something pulls at the blanket under my arms, stopping me in my tracks. Turning around, I find the Dauntless leader with my purple blanket casually hanging from his hand as he inspects it. It's a weird juxtaposition, him with my blanket.

"What is this, and where did it come from? I don't remember having the dormitories stocked with colorful blankets."

Once again, it wouldn't do me any good to lie to him. I might as well tell him the truth and hope he doesn't share with my parents that I broke a rule the first night of initiation. Based on my few interactions with him and the stories I've heard, he'd be the first to happily tell my mom about my trouble at their next meeting. I don't want to disappoint her.

"It's my blanket. I got it from my home. I'll put it back before training starts. I just couldn't sleep and thought it wouldn't be a big deal if I got just a blanket." I step forward to grab my soft possession back as he turns slightly to the side, successfully blocking me from it. He chuckles lightly in response.

"What part of having no contact with your family, don't you understand? The purpose of initiation is to see who you are independently, _not_ with your parents' help. I don't care who your mom is. These rules apply to you just as much as any other initiate. Is that understood, Windsor?" He spits out firmly.

All I can do to keep from running away is nod quickly like a bobblehead. Eric crosses his arms and scowls at me in response.

"Although I'm tempted to toss this disgusting rag, so I won't have to see it again, I'll be holding it in my office. After training, you can come by, and I will accompany you to return it to your parent's apartment. Right now, I strongly recommend you return to your dorm and get some sleep. Training starts in-" he pulls his phone out of his black cargo pants' pocket and checks the time "-about two hours."

"But-" I go to protest, but he cuts me off.

"No discussion. You're lucky I'm not deducting points for this _idiotic_ choice. I better not have any more problems. Like I said, myself or any of the other trainers will not be treating you any differently. Now get back to your dorm."

* * *

As much as I try to get some sleep before training, I can't. The anxiety I felt before is nothing compared to now. My mind races nonstop from the second I return to my cot. I'm not sure which I'm dreading more, having to face Eric again or seeing the disappointed look on my parents' faces when I show up at their door after training.

Maybe I'll be fortunate enough, and they will both still be at work. Training is supposed to go from seven to four in the afternoon. For as long as I can remember, both my mom and dad wouldn't get home from work until at least five, and that was on calm days. My parents both worked dedicated, long hours, but they always tried to make time for family.

When Mom wasn't in council meetings, developing plans, or traveling between factions, she raised my older brother and me. My dad, who works security, and she worked hard for us to grow up with true Dauntless values.

I remember almost exactly two years ago when my brother transferred to Amity. My parents walked around dazed for the rest of the evening. I heard my mom whisper to my dad that she was embarrassed to go into work that next day. I've seen my brother once since he transferred. My parents let me go with them to his first visiting day, but they were strict that we couldn't stay long. I guess they didn't want me to get a feeling for Amity or anything.

They didn't have to worry, though, because I would have never been brave enough to leave home.

I must have eventually drifted off because before I know it, the lights flash on. My eyes struggle to adjust to the brightness as there are groans all around me.

"I want everyone in the Pit in thirty minutes. I suggest you eat breakfast before then. You won't be getting a break until lunch," Shouts a deep voice from the hallway, which separates the Dauntless-born and transfer dorms. A sharp banging on a pipe from across the hall rings in my ears. My lack of sleep feels very evident as I struggle to get out of bed.

When I finally shake myself off my cot, I realize I'm not the last one up. Lena, one of my oldest friends, has her head covered by her pillow in the cot adjacent to mine. I was relieved when her blood trickled on the Dauntless coals yesterday. Liam, her twin and the third member of our trio, transferred to Erudite. I recognized the look on Lena's face as the same emotions I felt two years ago. At least with Liam, we all knew it was coming. He always excelled in school, especially science. After our first unit on physics several years ago, he couldn't stop trying to engineer everything. He studied anything from the best way to throw a punch to how the trains ran. As much as I'll miss him, I can't help but feel happy he is somewhere where he can thrive.

"Lena, come on. You can't be late on your first day of training." I sigh as my friend turns to the wall and buries her head deeper under the blankets. For as long as I can remember, she has struggled with waking up. She has caused me to miss the train for school more times than I can count. Instead of waiting any longer, I turn back to my trunk to get dressed. She will get up eventually.

Every initiate was assigned a trunk at the bottom of their bed and received five standard training outfits along with any other necessities. In my opinion, it is very wasteful, considering I have a wardrobe of clothes I could have just brought down. But that would apparently go against all of the thrilling rules of initiation.

Pulling my frizzy brown hair up into a high bun, I glance around the room. There's nine of us sharing the room, but it's relatively quiet this morning—a total opposite to the mood last night after dinner. Everyone was filled with excitement about completing our first step to becoming full members. This morning we all have realized the next steps won't be as simple.

Once I'm dressed and ready for the day, I let Lena know I'll meet her in the Pit. As I'm slugging out the door, I spy a group of about four transfers walking in the opposite direction of the dining hall.

"Hey! Are you heading to breakfast?" I interrupt their conversation. I'm sure they would have found their way eventually, but I'd hate to see them get lost on their first day.

"Yeah, and we're going the wrong way, aren't we?" A tall girl with curly hair glares at a large boy in their group. He shrugs, and they start all start chuckling lightly.

"Unfortunately," I offer a smile. "I'm heading there now if you want to come along. I'm Klara, by the way."

The group takes me up on my offer, and we head to the dining hall together. The tall girl, clearly from Candor with how chatty she is, introduces herself as Christina. She speaks for the rest of the group, not giving them a chance to talk, as she presents them as Al, Will, and Tris. Even though they are all wearing the same black training outfit, it is still evident they are transfers, almost like they are at a costume party. It has, after all, been less than twenty-four hours since they left their old homes.

Since we don't have enough time to sit down and eat, I opt to grab my standard weekday breakfast- a peanut butter oat bar and an apple. I make sure to grab a muffin for Lena, knowing she will definitely miss breakfast. I almost pass up the coffee, but at the last minute, decide on pouring a cup. I'm by no means a coffee person, but I can use the extra caffeine on a morning like this. Once we get through the buffet line, I decide to head directly to the Pit, leaving the transfer group on their own.

There are several initiates already gathered near one of the large boulders. I notice Uriah sitting on the rugged edged, and he waves me over. Sliding over, he leaves a spot open for me to sit next to him.

"You got here quick!" I say, realizing he was still in the dorm when I left.

"Yeah, I didn't get breakfast. Too excited to start training, you know?" He smiles with a cheeky grin. Uriah is someone who everyone gets along with. I don't think there is anyone who could possibly dislike him. I offer him my apple as I start to munch on my oat bar. "So, do you have any initiation secrets to share?" My friend raises his eyebrows at me.

"Not a single word on my end. What about you? You always know all the gossip!" I joke.

"Well, you know, I did hear something from Zeke who heard from Four, that they aren't dividing the transfers from us for training this year. Don't know how reliable my sources are but, it's something." He takes a bite of the apple.

"Really?" I ask, swallowing with a mouthful of my breakfast. Though it is kept a secret what initiation entails, it is relatively common knowledge they divide up transfers and Dauntless-born. It makes sense typically because while we have had some experience with Dauntless's physical demands, they are all learning them for their first time.

From across the Pit, Lena filters in with the remaining initiates. As far as I can tell, everyone is a few minutes early. When Lena gets close enough, I toss her the wrapped muffin I was saving for her.

"Chocolate chip, my favorite! Thanks!" She unwraps the muffin and plops down on the other side of Uriah. "What were you two talking about?"

"Just initiation rumors. My brother heard-" Uriah begins, but is interrupted as Four and Lauren, our trainers, walk over to the group of initiates. They are followed by Eric. A silence falls over the crowd.

"Listen up!" Lauren's sharp voice catches anyone's attention who wasn't already alert. "I see you all made it through your first night. Before we see if you make it through your first day of training, Four will reiterate how initiation is structured."

After a pause, Four begins. "Initiation is divided into three stages. We will measure your progress and rank you according to your performance in each stage-" he paces by the crowd of initiates. "The stages are not weighted equally in determining your final rank, so it is possible, though difficult, to drastically improve your rank over time"

"We believe that preparation eradicates cowardice, which we define as the failure to act in the midst of fear," says Four. "Therefore each stage of initiation is intended to prepare you in a different way. The first stage is primarily physical; the second, primarily emotional; the third, primarily mental."

As Four is speaking, my eyes drift to the Dauntless leader amount us. His posture is rigid as always, and he's dressed in signature Dauntless black. Scanning the crowd, he makes direct eye contact with me, causing me to stand up straighter.

"We will be testing you today," interjects Eric. "In the past, we've trained Dauntless-born and transfers separately. However, leadership believes that having both groups intermingled will quicken the speed transfers pick up Dauntless culture, and be beneficial to all of you for physical training. We will be dividing you up into two classes, one with Four and one with Lauren-" he eyes each of them, respectively. "Today, we will be leading you through a workout and scoring you to make balanced groups. These points will also be counted towards your ranking, so I expect your best work. It's time to prove that you were meant to be Dauntless."

_Which should be easy, if only my test results were Dauntless._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! I wasn't really expecting to start a new fanfiction, but here we are. I honestly think it has been like at least five years since I've written anything like this. When I started writing fanfictions in middle school, I don't think I would have imagined where I am now. I had it all planned out to go to school in a big city and major in English then write a book, but as any of my younger readers (if anyone even reads this) will soon find out, plans change. Now, I'm two semesters away from finishing my computer science degree (with accidental English and communications minors at least!), just finished my first software engineering internship, and am living at home again... Not at all where I expected to be when I last updated a fanfiction!
> 
> Anyway, I was really excited to start writing in the Divergent world again! I wrote a Eric/OC story a long time ago on my old account, but it definitely needed a lot of work, so I wanted to make a completely new one. Most of your favorite characters will be in this, including a few originals, like Klara, who I hope you come to enjoy! My inspiration for this story came from This Is Me Trying off of Taylor Swift's new album Folklore. I've absolutely loved this album and thought this song would fit perfectly with this story I wanted to tell.
> 
> That's all from me for now! Thank you so much for taking your time to read my story! I would love any feedback that you could give me! Hopefully I'll have a new chapter out soon!


	2. Chapter 2

_At least I'm trying_ , which seems to be more than some of my fellow initiates can say.

Only half of our initial group remains doing exercises in the center of the training room with me. The other half runs laps around the vast space. We started in one large group completing nonstop strength-building exercises. After about the first hour, the instructors demanded anyone who couldn't keep up to run laps. Eric and Four have been barking orders at us ever since. Lauren switched over to supervise the other group.

Throughout the morning, Four takes pauses to demonstrate specific exercise to the group. He even completes a few reps with us from time to time. Eric's presence contributes nothing but stress.

For the past five minutes, we've been doing sit-ups, and my abs are begging me to quit.

"The next person I see not going all the way up will be running!" Four shouts as he paces between our two lines.

Sweat sticks in my hair, but I keep pushing. One. Two. One. Two. I count in my head to focus on something other than the burn.

"Plank position! On your elbows. Go!" Four calls out.

I roll onto my stomach, forcing myself up on my forearms. I've always considered myself to be in decent shape when it comes to fitness. Still, I imagine this workout would weaken even the strongest soldier. Especially considering we haven't even received a single water break. After only a few seconds, I hear someone a few spots down from me fall. My eyes glance to see Four and Eric stalking over to Lena like vultures to prey.

"Get up, initiate! You can join the others in laps. Don't even think about stopping for a break first." Eric snarls at my friend. I turn my head more to see her rise up.

"Now, initiate!" He shouts again. My friend takes off jogging without looking back. I'm dreading the inevitable time when I have to start running. As sore and tired that I am from these exercises, I hate nothing more than running. I can't remember a time when I excelled at running. Whether it's a result of my short legs or my old knee injury from years ago, I'm not sure. My friends could race me and win even on my best day. That fact haunts me as a Dauntless, considering how much running plays into our lives.

Pressure on my lower back distracts my thoughts.

"Flatten your back, Windsor!" The rubber sole of Eric's boot presses down on me. I drop my back and use all my strength I have left to keep my body from collapsing. After a moment, he must deem my performance acceptable, and the pressure lets off as he moves on.

Four yells at a transfer to stop what she's doing and start running. I bend my knees for a second of relief while there a distraction occupies the trainers. Only six of us remain now.

My whole body shakes with fatigue as I patiently wait for one of the trainers to call us to switch exercises. Finally, an answer to my silent pleads come when Four tells us to stand up. The brief moment of relief ends when we're instructed to do high knees with our arms bent out in front of us. Without pausing, I begin my running in place with my raised knees.

"Your arms should be at ninety degrees!" Four shouts at our small group. I raise my arms a few inches to meet his demands. My whole body complains, but I fight to ignore it. Again, I resort to counting in my head to keep a beat and close my eyes to block out anything else.

"Windsor, if you haven't learned to do something as simple as this right, you might as well not try." Eric spits out, now standing in front of me. So close, if he were to lean forward an inch, my knees would hit him. I freeze as he grabs both of my wrists and lifts them beyond the ninety-degree mark.

"I never told you to stop," he steps back and studies me as I resume the exercise.

"Your knees aren't getting up there! They should be hitting your hands each time." He snarls again, but my muscles are too tired to listen. I put all I have into it, but my arms fall before I'm able to hit my knees. Eric looks me up and down for a moment before he notices my mistake.

"You're done. Start your laps," Eric says as he turns his back to me, walking away. He pauses in his tracks.

"I expected more from you." He calls over his shoulder, unimpressed, before he continues walking to terrorize the next initiate.

Ouch. Somehow that hurts more than any of the insults our trainers have been spewing at us all morning. None of those were personal. I take a moment to catch my breathe and restrain myself from saying anything back. I want to point out that I've outlasted the majority or comment on how he should make assumptions about me. Instead, I jog to the outer edge of the room to begin my dreaded laps.

The fatigue I already feel does nothing to help propel me forward. Instead of focusing on speed, I decide to focus on the consistency of my pace. I'm grateful that everyone started at different points. This way, I don't have to worry about comparing my position to anyone else. I trot in front of a few initiates who are barely even moving. They most likely are already written up on the tablet Lauren carries.

Both of the trainers and Eric have been typing in notes on the tablets in their hands all day. They haven't told us how they are scoring us today. I'd assume they are giving and taking points based on our performance with our exercises. The instructors informed us the afternoon session would consist of basic fighting technique.

If I want to get a decent overall rank or even pass initiation, I have to excel in this stage. This morning, we were told initiation is broken into three phases. Physical, emotional, and mental. I'm fortunate with preparation for the first stage.

Several years before Troy transferred, my parents would work with us some evenings. They taught us the basics and tried to make sure we were always in Dauntless shape. As the years went on and my family got busier, those training sessions gradually stopped. Even so, I'm grateful to have a basic understanding and skills to succeed in the physical end.

After several laps, my legs get heavier, and my feet start to drag. The only thing that keeps me moving is the image of a tall glass of ice water I plan to drink as soon as I hear the call for lunch. I wish we were at least running outside. The sights of the city would certainly be more interesting. Anything would be more engaging than the concrete walls that surround us.

Exploring the city never fails to relax me or provide a distraction when needed. Besides my parents, I will miss my evening adventures throughout the city the most during initiation. The trainers emphasized not leaving the compound unless given permission as another rule.

"Alright, gather around!" Lauren announces to the whole training room. I'm grateful as I stop running and shuffle over to where the trainers have congregated in the middle of the room.

"We're going to break for lunch now. You have exactly one hour, so no one should be late for our afternoon session. If I were you, I'd be careful not to overeat. You'll regret it by the end of the day. Anything else?" Lauren looks at the other two trainers, who shake their heads, scanning the room over.

"Good work this morning from most of you. I expect the same level of effort this afternoon." Four commands, dismissing us all out for lunch.

* * *

Redundant fighting exercises take up the whole afternoon, as expected. The one positive note is that Eric did not return after lunch. Four and Lauren are as intense and have spewed out their fair share of criticism to our class. Yet, with only them observing, I am more focused.

We've done various floor work and sparing. We are finishing up on the punching bags.

Four announces our last exercise of the day. With all the initiates lined up behind two rows of bags bordering the training room, Four demonstrates a new combination. It consist of elbow jabs, punches, and kicks. I'm careful to pay attention to the pattern he teaches us and observe his technique.

When Four comes around to watch me, I emphasize my movements even more than I have been. His eyes scan my body, looking for any mistakes, but I refuse to show him one. Standing off to the side of my bag, I see him type something into his tablet, then he glares back up at me.

"You have strong punches and kicks, but don't forget to breathe." He comments before moving on to observe Aaron, the tall Dauntless born working to my left.

My aching arms and legs are thankful when Four calls for the end of training. Lauren shares that someone will post our new training assignments by tomorrow morning. The group lists will be on the bulletin board outside of the dorms. She instructs her group to report to the training room down the hall, and Four's to work in the one we trained in today. After a few reminders, they dismiss us until tomorrow.

"I call the first shower!" Uriah shouts in the hall as I walk back to the dormitory with a crowd of initiates. Most of the transfers have gone separate ways from us.

"That's not fair! You can't call dibs on one of the showers!" Wyatt sneers back. There are only three shower stalls in the dorm and nine of us. While the facilities are less than ideal, I'm so in need of a shower anything sounds fantastic right now.

"I call one too!" I declare, ignoring Wyatt's complaints.

"That third one is mine." Marlene sings out.

Back in the dorm, I grab a clean set of clothes and hop under the stream of hot rain in the corner bathroom stall. As much as I'd love to take my time and let the warm water massage my sore muscles, I speed through the shower.

I've tried to not let my mind focus on the anxiety relating to meeting in Eric's office to return my stupid blanket. All day I've been hoping something would come up preventing us from meeting. At this point, it seems as though I have no choice.

Once I am showered, dried off, and dressed, I head up to the leadership offices.

Walking through the doors of the leadership lobby, I'm greeted by Victoria. She has always been a close family friend and is around my parent's age. She works as the receptionist for the leadership council. Her bright smile welcomes me, and I wish I could stay to chat like regular times.

"Klara! It's so good to see you," she says. "I was so excited when I heard you chose Dauntless. Although I had no doubt in my mind that you would stay! I believe your mom is in a meeting over at Candor this afternoon, but what can I help you with?" She jabbers on.

"I'm actually here to meet with Eric," I utter, my voice not nearly meeting her positive tone.

"Oh... Yeah. Of course! His office is the last one on the left. I believe he went in there not too long ago. Good luck, sweetie," She smiles with sympathy. I thank her then head down the hall.

Knocking on the opened door, I announce my arrival. Eric's eyes shoot up from whatever work occupies his attention on his computer screen.

"Klara," he says as he pushes himself backward in his rolling office chair. "I was getting ready to send someone to find you. Were your ears ringing?" He chuckles as I take a step into his square office. The window on the exterior wall behind him illuminates the room. The office itself looks the same shape and design to my mom's office. A few more personal touches decorate my mom's office, but a tall shelf of thick books lines Eric's office.

"Shut the door and take a seat," Eric gestures to the two dark wooden chairs across from him. I fall into the chair closest to the door as he begins talking.

"How did you feel your first day of training went?" He questions, folding his arms on his desk and giving me full eye contact. As much as I'd like to skip the small talk and get right to the purpose of this visit, I answer the question.

"Good," I smile. "I'm exhausted after today, but I'm ready to keep improving."

Eric nods, accepting my response. An uncomfortable silence pounds in the room. My hand, resting on my thigh, begins to tap quickly. I force myself to sit still.

"About this morning," he says finally. "I was in a leadership meeting during lunch with Jana, and she asked how you were doing with training." My eyes go wide at the mention of him discussing me with my mother. I knew she'd eventually hear about my progress from someone, but I wasn't expecting it on the first day.

"I said you were doing fine, but I let her know about the incident this morning. She agreed with my disappointment and told me just to get rid of that blanket instead of bringing it back."

My eyes sting and threaten to fill with tears. Heat rises on my cheeks. Taking a deep breath, I try to contain myself. I could care less about him getting rid of my blanket. However, knowing my family already feels let down by me causes pain.

"I informed her of our discussion and how you now understand the expectations. I am correct in assuming you understand all of the rules now, _right_?" He raises his pierced eyebrow at me, waiting for a response.

"Yes, sir," I mumble before adding a slow nod.

"Good. I have one more thing while you are here." He bends down, ruffling through a stack of files in a drawer off to the side of his desk.

I take advantage of his distraction and rub my eyes, trying to get rid of any dampness. I inhale a deep breath, then exhale it, trying to calm myself down before I do anything stupid in front of the leader.

He must have found the document he searched for. Eric pulls out a sheet of paper and presents it in front of me. My eyes scan the page, and I recognize it as my profile.

"This afternoon, I was reviewing all the initiates' files, and something of concern came up in yours. Do you mind reading this to me?"

I nod and pick up the piece of paper. A picture of me taken before the aptitude test sits printed on the page's top left corner. I begin reading aloud, starting at my name.

"Name, Klara Windsor. Age, eighteen. Sex, female. Faction of origin, Dauntless. Current faction, Dauntless. Aptitude test result, Amity." My voice melts off, and I realize why my profile caught his attention.

"Amity." He states. His eyes burn into me, but I can't bring mine off of the word. I feel foolish for assuming no one would see my results.

"Is that correct?"

I ignore him as I read over the line again and again. _Amity_. It's idiotic. I shouldn't have received Amity as my results. Why couldn't I have gotten Dauntless? I've lived and breathed Dauntless my whole life. If I had picked up the knife instead of the cheese, this wouldn't have happened. But I knew I would never bring myself to use that knife. No matter how much I long to have Dauntless in my blood, I can't erase the side of me that fights to avoid conflict and pain.

"Klara, is the information on that page correct? _Were your test results Amity?_ " He hisses.

I glance up at him and nod.

He sighs, leans back in his chair, and puts his hands behind his head.

"It's uncommon when someone chooses a faction despite their test result. It's even more uncommon to see a Dauntless dependent with an aptitude for Amity or vice versa," he preaches.

"Do you know what you got yourself into choosing Dauntless?" Eric questions. "You may be able to squeeze your way through the first stage of initiation. But by the second stage, you'll need all the luck you can get to remain in Dauntless. No one will be there to hold your hand through training. If you don't have the aptitude of a Dauntless, you should have chosen Amity." He spits out.

"I'm sure you could have had a great life playing the banjo and picking apples, but instead, you'll probably be factionless soon. What a shame." He takes a deep breath, and I try to fight back any tears as the reality of what he said sinks in.

I can't help it as a teardrop sink down my face. I made a cowardice decision. I never should have stayed. If I was brave enough to face changes, I wouldn't be in this situation.

"You aren't in trouble," he consoles after a moment. "We give dependents the freedom to choose their faction for a reason. I just want you to be aware, it won't be easy for you. But, I must ask. _W_ _hy_?" He leans forward again, taking the paper away from me. I watch as he glances it over again, then sets it directly in front of his computer.

"I'm Dauntless," I stutter. Clearing my throat and wiping my eyes, I continue. "I've lived here my whole life. My family is here. It's all I know. I know how to be Dauntless and be brave."

The look he gives me, with his arms crossed and face emotionless, tells me he doesn't believe me.

"I'll prove it. I promise." I babble.

"I have no doubt you'll try." He stands up.

I take a step up, standing across from him as well.

"You better be getting to dinner now, initiate. And don't let me get any more reports of you breaking curfew in the future." Eric crosses the room and goes to open the door.

"Wait," I stop him. "Please, can you not tell anyone else about this? I don't want anyone to think of me any differently because of my results." I calmly beg.

He holds the door open for me and rolls his eyes.

"This will stay between you and me."

I offer a small smile as thanks and quickly shuffle out of the room. I'm stopped in my tracks by Eric's voice.

"And Klara, I look forward to you proving me wrong.


End file.
